Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Well a Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk Nyet

Today's text message to my sisters:

just want to let u know, i was buying thread at this tiny russian thread/sewing shop in the fashion district and the song that came on? the curly shuffle.

An Ode to Toast: A haiku.

Toast is this cat's name.
Me'w, chew, poo: it's all the same.
Blurry is his game.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Haiku. Highlights Magazine. Spring, 1976.

Sleep caterpillar.
Awake brand new butterfly.
Who knows how or why?

-Jonathan Michael Jackson

Friday, September 19, 2008

Life Lessons (learned on my twin sister and my 2-month roadtrip across the U.S. in 2002)

  • All roads lead to somewhere.
  • Take Old Farmer's advice.
  • Never travel without an updated atlas.
  • If camping locally, buy local map.
  • It's never too late to turn around.
  • Curiosity may get you lost (if that's what you're looking for).
  • If you do get curious: paved and numbered roads will lead you to the interstate.
  • 2-lane country roads are 55 mph. Even when it doesn't say so.
  • On an atlas, a grey road is always more fun than a blue road, but not as efficient as a pink road.
  • Do not get a haircut at a beauty school in an Anchorage, AK strip mall.
  • If you find yourself in the Anchorage, AK strip mall beauty school, do not get the haircut if it is under $10.
  • Never bring a pet chihuahua to a club.
  • If you must bring your pet chihuahua to a club, DO NOT EAT.
  • Curb drunk dialing.
  • If you do drunk dial and violent hiccuping begins, hang up the phone.
  • If someone asks you if you're in the film crew, YOU SAY YES!
  • Always have a spare pair of clean underwear hidden in a secret place.
  • Remember secret place.
  • Playing Blackjack with a Pinochle deck will yield the highest ratio of 21. Ever.
  • Gentlemen come in all shapes and sizes.
  • If the kitchen is dirty (and you can SEE it), don't eat there.
  • If you can get can a free tutu, take it.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Junkyard Dogs

As we enter the 2nd week of the 2008 NFL season, I'd like to take a moment to pay tribute to the Chicago Bears Defensive linemen of yesteryear (by which I mean the 1985 season) who led the Monsters of the Midway to their Superbowl Victory, with what is widely hailed as the greatest Defense of all time.

These upstanding men included...

#55 Otis Wilson

#50 Mike Singletary

#99 Dan Hampton

#76 Steve McMichael

And here's to this season...

Here's to you, Brian Urlacher, for your brave efforts rehashing the Junkyard Dogs once again this season. We know you're working hard. So. We will ignore.

Everything (we find on MySpace).


Anyway. With last week's season opening surprise win against the Colts (even Vegas didn't see it coming), Kyle Orton looks positive. For now. Especially since Orton has someone to connect with: rookie Matt Forte. Big ups for your great efforts last week. And no pressure, dude.

You've only got 3 million people behind you. Waiting for you to let us down.

Not a big deal.

Just, please keep barking at Dallas fans.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Things That Made Me Laugh Today

Someone paid for it. Someone made it. Someone ate it.

Former intern/current friend proved she COULD.

Fake boobs.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008