Well a Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk Nyet

Today's text message to my sisters:

just want to let u know, i was buying thread at this tiny russian thread/sewing shop in the fashion district and the song that came on? the curly shuffle.

An Ode to Toast: A haiku.

Toast is this cat's name.
Me'w, chew, poo: it's all the same.
Blurry is his game.

Haiku. Highlights Magazine. Spring, 1976.

Sleep caterpillar.
Awake brand new butterfly.
Who knows how or why?

-Jonathan Michael Jackson

MEMORY LANE #5 : Cancun Do's & Don't's (This is the actual document I was given upon landing at the Cancun Airport in 2001)

Life Lessons (learned on my twin sister and my 2-month roadtrip across the U.S. in 2002)

• All roads lead to somewhere.
• Take Old Farmer's advice.
• Never travel without an updated atlas.
• If camping locally, buy local map.
• It's never too late to turn around.
• Curiosity may get you lost (if that's what you're looking for).
• If you do get curious: paved and numbered roads will lead you to the interstate.
• 2-lane country roads are 55 mph. Even when it doesn't say so.
  
• On an atlas, a grey road is always more fun than a blue road, but not as efficient as a pink road.
  
• Do not get a haircut at a beauty school in an Anchorage, AK strip mall.
• If you find yourself in the Anchorage, AK strip mall beauty school, do not get the haircut if it is under $10.
• Never bring a pet chihuahua to a club.
• If you must bring your pet chihuahua to a club, DO NOT EAT.
• Curb drunk dialing.
  
• If you do drunk dial and violent hiccuping begins, hang up the phone.
• If someone asks you if you're in the film crew, YOU SAY YES!
• Always have a spare pair of clean underwear hidden in a secret place.
• Remember secret place.
• Playing Blackjack with a Pinochle deck will yield the highest ratio of 21. Ever.
  
• Gentlemen come in all shapes and sizes.
• If the kitchen is dirty (and you can SEE it), don't eat there.
• If you can get can a free tutu, take it.

If you don't look good, the dog gets it.

Junkyard Dogs

As we enter the 2nd week of the 2008 NFL season, I'd like to take a moment to pay tribute to the Chicago Bears Defensive linemen of yesteryear (by which I mean the 1985 season) who led the Monsters of the Midway to their Superbowl Victory, with what is widely hailed as the greatest Defense of all time.

These upstanding men included...

#55 Otis Wilson

#50 Mike Singletary

#99 Dan Hampton

#76 Steve McMichael


And here's to this season...

Here's to you, Brian Urlacher, for your brave efforts rehashing the Junkyard Dogs once again this season. We know you're working hard. So. We will ignore.

Everything (we find on MySpace).




Achem.

Anyway. With last week's season opening surprise win against the Colts (even Vegas didn't see it coming), Kyle Orton looks positive. For now. Especially since Orton has someone to connect with: rookie Matt Forte. Big ups for your great efforts last week. And no pressure, dude.

You've only got 3 million people behind you. Waiting for you to let us down.

Not a big deal.

Just, please keep barking at Dallas fans.

Blue But West: This Wasn't Planned. I'm Serious!

Uphill Battle for Marketing Dept. at this Newark Eatery

Things That Made Me Laugh Today

Someone paid for it. Someone made it. Someone ate it.

Former intern/current friend proved she COULD.


Fake boobs.

Annapolis "is a small town with a big drunk problem." -Mike G., Annapolis at Noon

As is evident with the first posted sign at the docks.

A Message of Hope on 30th Avenue

Here is New York

Written in a hot hotel room over the course of 2 summer days in New York City, 1948, E.B. White's Here is New York is a beautiful, accurate description of this magnificent, complicated city. E.B. White loves New York and you can tell: he differentiates Gotham's restlessness impermanence (even that hotel has since been knocked down) from the essence and passionate drive of it's residents, as only a New Yorker could.

There are roughly three New Yorks.

There is, first, the New York of the man or woman who was born there, who takes the city for granted and accepts its size, its turbulence as natural and inevitable. Second, there is the New York of the commuter--the city that is devoured by locusts each day and spat out each night. Third, there is New York of the person who was born somewhere else and came to New York in quest of something. Of these trembling cities the greatest is the last--the city of final destination, the city that is a goal. It is this third city that accounts for New York’s high strung disposition, its poetical deportment, its dedication to the arts, and its incomparable achievements. Commuters give the city its tidal restlessness, natives give it solidity and continuity, but the settlers give it passion. And whether it is a farmer arriving from a small town in Mississippi to escape the indignity of being observed by her neighbors, or a boy arriving from the Corn Belt with a manuscript in his suitcase and a pain in his heart, it makes no difference: each embraces New York with the intense excitement of first love, each absorbs New York with the fresh yes of an adventurer, each generates heat and light to dwarf the Consolidated Edison Company. . . .

The city, for the first time in its long history, is destructible. A single flight of planes no bigger than a wedge of geese can quickly end this island fantasy, burn the towers, crumble the bridges, turn the underground passages into lethal chambers, cremate the millions. The intimation of mortality is part of New York now; in the sounds of jets overhead, in the black headlines of the latest editions.

All dwellers in cities must live with the stubborn fact of annihilation; in New York the fact is somewhat more concentrated because of the concentration of the city itself, and because, of all targets, New York has a certain clear priority. In the mind of whatever perverted dreamer might loose the lightning, New York must hold a steady, irresistible charm.

This is my Dad's work! (I know you're jealous.)

http://www.jimgriffithsart.com/

A Night in the Life

Every week for the past few years, I've performed or hosted an improv show.

One night last winter, I decided to document my commute from the theater to the train.

In Memorium

Next weekend marks the 3 year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. 3 years ago, I was sent these pictures of Katrina over Greater New Orleans; they are still incredibly haunting.

This Week's Horoscope.

Weekly Horoscope (8/11 - 8/17)
Libra
September 23 - October 23

When Saturn moves through your 12th house you are asked to face the unknown and refuse to give in to fear. You have just completed chapter one of a three part series that is designed by the universe to move you into the deepest parts of yourself with a wide open heart.

Your ruler, Venus, meets up with the Great Teacher on Wednesday, which means you’re about to be asked to believe in yourself enough to stand in your power and create the life you want to live.

Mercury meets the Teacher too, later in the week, for a conversation that can be life altering for you. (This conversation could be your inner guidance). Saturday’s full Moon eclipse in your 5th house asks you to be creative in ways that may be a stretch for you. Your efforts will be rewarded in unprecedented ways.

www.cosmicpath.com

We Will Love You Until You Can Love Yourself

I am honored this little boy is in my life.

The Story of 2 Cakes

(Inspired from cakewrecks.blogspot.com)

A woman in Texas brought in a picture of what she wanted her wedding cake to look like:

This is the what she got from the professional cakemaker: