MEMORY LANE #2: Much Ado About Nothing

Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of
the brain awe a man from the career of his humour?
No, the world must be peopled. When I said I would
die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married.
-Benedick, Much Ado, Act II, Scene 3

In the summer of 2004, I worked as a part-time Box Office Treasurer at the Public Theater, New York’s largest Off-Broadway Theaters. During that time, they produced “Much Ado About Nothing,” starring Jimmy Smits, at Shakespeare in the Park, which played at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park.

I recall commenting that the show was “a gas.”

For the most part, the production ran smoothly. However, the occasional incident occurred. After every show, a Theater Manager Report was written, summing up the evening’s activity.

Here are two of those Reports that I smuggled out of the Box Office.

THEATER MANAGER REPORT, DELACORTE THEATER

Day: Thursday Date: June 24, 2004
Performance: Much Ado About Nothing

Curtain: 8:09p Final: 11:03p
Weather: Clear, 75 degrees, gentle breeze

We had some interesting incidents this evening. A woman patron, before the show, demanded to speak with the person in charge. [The] Theater Manager introduced himself. The woman emphatically demanded that we produce Hamlet in the Delacorte this summer. [Theater Manager] explained that it would not happen this summer, but offered to pass along her suggestion.

She demanded, “You mark my words, you will do Hamlet this summer!” She then offered a litany of famous people and politicians she was friendly with. She seemed rather “touched” and [Theater Manager] advised Security inside the house to keep and eye on her.

Sure enough, once inside the house during seating, the woman demanded a new seat. It seemed she believed the man sitting next to her was an alien. [Theater Manager] entered the house with relocation tickets and offered to move her (close to the gate exit, near security). She insisted she would pick her own seat. [Theater Manager] told her no and she proceeded to look for her own seat just the same. [Theater Manager] followed her and she turned around, called him a “fucking Nazi pig” and proceeded to spit on him several times.

At this point, [Theater Manager] asked the Box Office to call Central Park police. With assistance from 2 security staff, [Theater Manager] was able to coax the woman out of the house.She screamed about Chinese people, Carnegie Hall and Nazis and spat the whole was out. Several other patrons watching the scene applauded [Theater Manager] and Security as they escorted her out. We then cancelled the call for police.


THEATER MANAGER REPORT, DELACORTE THEATER

Day: Monday Date: June 27, 2004
Performance: Much Ado About Nothing

Curtain: 8:05p Final: 11:01p
Weather: Breezy, dry and clean with a luscious breeze

The lady who spat and cursed at house staff, mentioned in an earlier report, returned tonight. She was barefoot and wanted entrance without a ticket. We told her no. She then headed to the Belvedere Castle (a quarter mile east of the theater in the Park). A few minutes later, a Hasidic man came down from the castle and told Security that the lady had approached him at the Castle, asked him to disrobe and began to disrobe herself. We called Central Park police and they sent a car.