MEMORY LANE #3: There once was a man from Jordan...

From an email to my buddy Aaron--a fellow MidWesterner and one of my aforementioned homies who I wish I saw on the regular--that typifies my life in the summer of 2004.

Wednesday, June 30, 2004, 11:54am

so, these days i seem to constantly be deflecting strange offers from strange men.

why, just the other day i was heading up on the pooch (the grey hound) to syracuse to see a girlfriend of mine graduate from grad school. while standing in line at the bus station, the port authority, a man approached me and started asking me questions.

"are you going to montreal?" asked the man.
"no," i said.
"are you going to toronto?" asked the man.
"no," i said again.

the man continues to stand next to me and stare at me.

"where are you going?" he inquired.
"syracuse. are you lost?" i replied.
"no, what is your name?" he asked.
"for fuck's sake," i think.

i decide not to answer. he continues...

"my name is sam. i am a dentist from jordan. you know where jordan is? i am going to toronto. you know where toronto is?" sam blithered.

so, now i am stuck in line and am forced to stand next to sam, who, infront of the entire line of people getting on the bus, is unsuccessfully hitting on me. finally, it's time to get on the bus. this dude leaves me and gets his bag, which he has skillfully left unattended in front of the line.

"thank god," i think, "he's getting on the bus before me, i will just not sit next to him."

but, when i get on the bus, he is standing at the door, waiting for me to get on.

"i will sit next to you, ok?" sam requested.
"what? i am tired and am not going to talk to you," i responded.
"that's fine, but i am interesting!" sam exclaimed.

we get on the bus. we sit down. i close my eyes and try to sleep. sam starts talking.

"i am very funny in my home country, jordan," sam announced.

silence.

half an hour passes and we finally get out of the city. he leans over to me.

"put your hand in my hand," sam urged.
"what?! why?" i demand.
"you have very nice teeth," sam commented.
"they are fake," i lied.
"fake? i don't care. we can be 'friends with advantages'," sam planned.
"'friends with benefits'? absolutely not," i quipped.
"put your hand in my hand," sam cooed.

silence.

occassional outbursts like this continued throughout the two hour trip, as the bus wound itself through upstate new york. it was a loooooong bus trip, i tell you what. anyway, i still don't know if sam finally got the message, even as i ran off the bus without saying a word.